Proper Etiquette

"Keep your elbows off the table"..."Always say thank you"..."Take your hat off in the building"...We have heard specific rules throughout our entire lives to ensure we demonstrate proper etiquette. I remain extremely conscientious in maintaining what my dad would just consider good manners. I have tried my best to instill some of these values within my own students to encourage them to exhibit acceptable etiquette behavior. For example, the most important is saying please or thank you. My kids have heard me on my soap box with this because so many people, both children and adults, have forgotten the meaning of please and thank you. I even made efforts to learn these words in other languages because the meanings are universal. When standing in line at the cafeteria, always say please to the workers if asking for something. If asking for permission to do anything, it sounds better to say please before your request. Expression of gratitude was continuously emphasized in my household as a child. If someone holds the door for you at Walmart, say thank you (it bothers me when people just walk by and never acknowledge you took the time to let them go first). If your friend's mother fixes you dinner, say thank you. We do not only need to say thank you for things that are given to us, but also with acts of kindness and consideration.


My dad's biggest pet peeve became my own regarding hats. This actually became a true indicator of my dad's approval after introducing my new boyfriends. If he came into the house with a baseball cap and never took it off, that was a major deduction of brownie points. More importantly, if the boyfriend never took his hat off at the table, that was even worst! My dad suggested that wearing caps inside the house or building was a sign of disrespect. I guess that is why I agree with the school rule of not wearing caps in the school building. Since my father always stressed this rule, I started using it myself.

Last Friday during our formal dining experience, we specifically discussed dinner and table etiquette. We all learned our bread plate was the left (you use your left hand to form the letter b) and the drink glass was to the right (use your right hand to form the letter d). This was always confusing at a multiple dining experience, because everyone would get confused which plate belonged to each person. Mr. Harris, our kind presenter, reminded gentleman to pull the chair out for the ladies at the table before sitting down. We were asked to place our napkins gently in our lap and reminded to never place our elbows on the table. It was great to finally learn which fork and spoon to use at a formal setting. You work from the outside to the inside with each food course. That evening, our main course was chicken with spaghetti so it became interesting having to use our pasta spoon to twirl the noodles neatly before eating it. We had many picky eaters, so Mr. Harris told us the polite way to not eat a specific food was to gently push it away to one side and place your silverware across the bowl/plate. This will show the host or server that you will be eating that certain dish. From a waiter's perspective, it was important to not lean in or to talk with other guests at the table while the server was trying to pour drinks. Another bit of information was the waiter serves from the left and picks up the food from the right.


I was amazed at how well all of us responded to these rules, and I jokingly asked the students to demonstrate this behavior the following Monday in the school cafeteria. The following Saturday, I had a meeting regarding my upcoming Denmark trip. The presenters introduced basic cultural expectations when traveling to this foreign country. It was ironic to hear the etiquette for the Danish because it was completely opposite of America's expectations. First, you never place your hands in your lap during dinner because that is considered dinner. Therefore, your elbows are somewhat on the table. If eating at a Danish restaurant, be sure to allow yourself three hours because the service is slow because they want you to take your time with the meal. It is not appropriate to tip your server in this culture and the server will be offended if money if left on the table. In the US, it is expected to tip at least 15% of your total bill.

Every culture practices different traditions regarding etiquette, so it becomes an interesting topic of discussion. What are some of your rules for good manners?